Food and survival

เผ็ด (phèt): the five spice levels, and why "not spicy" still burns

You said mâi phèt. You were very clear about it. The som tam still removed a layer of your face. Here is what went wrong and what to say instead.

Every visitor to Thailand has this experience once. You learn the phrase for "not spicy", you deploy it with confidence, and the food arrives and it is, unmistakably, spicy. The conclusion most people draw is that they were ignored. Usually they were not.

The word itself

One syllable, low tone, and the p is aspirated, so it starts like the p in "pot" rather than anything softer. If you learn one food word before you land, learn this one. It appears on menus, in questions from waiters and in the sentence you are about to need.

The ladder, from safest to bravest

Every one of these is a real phrase from the course with a recording. Play them in order and you have the whole range.

The pattern underneath is worth having, because it works far beyond chilli. ไม่mâi not goes in front to negate. มากmâak very, a lot goes after to intensify. That is two words that turn every adjective you know into three.

How to actually ask

Put ขอkhǒr may I have on the front and you have a request rather than an observation. This is the most useful single word for ordering anything in Thailand, and it is polite by default.

Swap the ending for any rung of the ladder above and finish with your polite particle, and you have a complete, natural sentence. Khǒr mâi phèt khráp. Khǒr phèt nít-nòi khâ. That is the whole construction, and it will carry you through a great many meals.

So why does "not spicy" still arrive spicy

Three separate things are going on, and only one of them is about you being understood.

What they ask you, and how to answer it

Order something that could go either way and you will often be asked first. The question is short and it sounds like this: เผ็ดไหม (phèt mǎi), which is just the word "spicy" with a question particle stuck on the end. We do not have a recording of that one yet, so it is written here rather than played.

The answer is where people freeze, because there is no word for "yes" to reach for. Thai answers a yes-or-no question by repeating the verb or adjective. So:

This generalises immediately. Can you? "Can." Do you want it? "Want." Once you notice it, a large amount of everyday Thai stops needing vocabulary you do not have.

Counting your chillies

For anything pounded to order, and som tam above all, the most effective thing you can do is stop describing the heat and start counting it. A number is not a matter of opinion.

Thai counts things with a classifier, a small word that goes between the number and what you are counting, and chillies have their own. That is a whole topic in itself, and a genuinely odd one for English speakers, so it lives on the classifiers page. For ordering purposes, holding up fingers and saying the number works, and everyone understands exactly what you mean.

If the numbers themselves are new, the number converter will write any figure out in Thai for you, and the number word set has them all with audio.

Hot and hot are different words

English uses one word for two unrelated things and Thai does not, which produces a specific and very common mistake.

Ask for food that is not rórn and you will get a lukewarm plate with every chilli still present. Ask for a drink that is not phèt and you will get a puzzled look. They are not interchangeable in either direction.

While we are here, the rest of the taste vocabulary is small and pays for itself in a day:

And when it has gone wrong anyway

Water will not help much, physically speaking, but you are going to want it regardless:

Rice does more than water does, and you almost certainly have some in front of you already: ข้าวkhâo rice. Something sweet does more than either.

Then, when you have recovered, tell them the truth about the food, which is the single sentence most likely to make a cook's day: อร่อยมากà-rôi mâak very delicious.

Chapter 8 is food and drink, with every phrase recorded, and there is a word set for the food vocabulary if you want the list rather than the lesson. If you would rather be able to read what is on the board before you order, that starts with the alphabet.

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